do the hellen keller and talk like a deaf/blind/mute

Suuuuuurvey. That I found. Somewhere (possibly over the rainbow).

Describe yourself
If Chris Crocker and Mary Poppins had a baby.

Success is
"IIIIIITS THE CLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMB."

People say I look like
Marylin Monroe if she’d gained 100 pounds and was epic!Italian

My biggest fear is
Becoming my father. And Bill Murray in a dark alley.

What is the best compliment you've gotten?
I don’t know…there are just so many to choose from…god, I'm such a fucking BAMF.

Your celebrity dream date is
HUGH JACKMAN. OHMYGODHUGHJACKMAN.

My first ever boyfriend would say I am
Complete silence. Never had a boyfriend. My first girlfriend, however...

If your ideal man is a coffee, he'd taste
I want to say like French Vanilla but that sounds a little too gay. Then again, maybe that is my ideal man…

What's the biggest fashion turn-off?
Guys who go for that fucking Tokio Hotel-like shit hair.

I like it when a man wears
nothing...maybe a sock to cover his ugly penis.

What do you have in your grooming closet?
What the fuck is a grooming closet? Like a vanity or something? Eye makeup…tweezers…because I’m Italian.

If you could invent anything for men, what would it be?
attractive looking genitals

The last time I teared up was
FUCKING WATCHED MY SISTERS KEEPER THE OTHER DAY—SERIOUSLY FIVE SECONDS IN AND MY EYES FUCKING WELLED UP LIKE I WAS JUST KICKED IN THE BALLS.

The albums I have on rotation are
21ST Century Breakdown. ITSSOGOOD. And Bright Eyes I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning

My relationship deal-breaker is
vagina. That can be taken one of two ways...

Biggest turn-ons about a man are
intelligence. Abortion jokes. A covered penis.

I get fired up over
awesome porn. LOLJK. That’s an oxymoron.

Most people don't know I'm
not a lesbian. IKNOWRIGHT?

My guilty pleasure is
I have no conscious, therefore I can never feel this guilt of which you speak...maybe Gilmore Girls.

When I'm a mother, the advice I'd give my teenage son is
LITTLE GIRLS ARE THE DEVIL. FOOSEBALL IS THE DEVIL.

When I'm a mother, the advice I'd give my teenage daughter is
keep your mind open and your legs closed.

Most romantic thing you've done?
halfway through the salad, I went, “put it in? Now?”

What did you do last night?
Went to Blockbuster. On a Jake Gyllenhaal kick. Donnie Darko, Zodiac….

My best pick-up line is
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants…

My biggest regret is
that I did this survey

I think Rihanna should
never do this survey.


Fun times, right?