dear celebrities (again),

Seriously. Cut it the fuck out.

"Soy un perdedor"

Met the Used today. It was...words cannot describe it.

They really fucking can't.

Okay, so we got there around two, waited on line till six--and all these kids were wedged between the aisles, and most of them were like me: short girls with lots of make up an dyed hair. But as luck would motherfucking have it, I wound up behind the ONLY TALL ASSHOLES IN THE PLACE. THIS KID WITH LONG HAIR AND A BASEBALL CAP, THIS OTHER GUY IN A LIGHT BLUE SHIRT, AND A LARGE BLACK MAN THAT COULD EASILY BE MISTAKEN FOR BIGGIE SMALLS' REINCARNATION.

They were all nice, but still.

"The bad news is, we're only playing one more song," Bert muttered into the microphone, "but the good news is I just saved a shit load of money by switching to Geicko."

Awesome.

Anyway, we went back outside, got on line for the signing, waited some more, and finally got in.

Bert told me he liked my shirt. I told him I liked his face.

Dan gave me the plastic black tablecloth, which I still have. I took it and told them I was a klepto. (They doodled all over it. I can kind of tells whose is whose...I know Jeph was the one practicing drawing Kanji...and then it's just all a guessing game from there).

I didn't really get to talk to Quinn (sad, unquinnified face), because he was talking to someone behind the table and I really didn't want to hold the line up.

But I ended up doing that anyway, because Jeph was kind of just SPACED OUT LIKE WOAH. He apologized and said it was one of those days. Which is cool, because I have those fucking days everyday. I said it was nice meeting them, and rushed out, kind of just...I can only explain it in the sense that it's like--you buy the CDs, love the music, hang onto every single word, note, beat, and essentially fall in love with these men. And I know it's not real love, it's more like idol-worship, but still. Point is you have this amazing band that you're so into, and it's mostly just hazy feelings centered around beautiful music and the band that makes it. And when you meet them it's like...it's real. It's not just CDs or posters or computer backgrounds. It's breathing, living, real, in front of you, speaking to you, smiling at you.

The idea of idol worship is stupid to me, because I don't know any of them personally. I don't know their favorite colors, or what DVDs they never leave home without, I've never hung out with them, I don't know their family or friends. They're just the faces I can put to the music. But at the same time I feel something because their songs mean something to my life. And what I feel is real. I don't know them, and to them I'm just another face in the crowd, but I still love them.

And meeting them is like--in this moment this is real, I know you, you can see my face, and I love you.

It's so stupid.

They came outside later, getting into their silver minivan (of what I assume is epicness), with Bert hanging out the door yelling, "Dan Whitesides--if you don't get your ass in this car in five seconds, you're out of the band."

Gave Dan a hifive with my non-eczema hand, asked him for his soul, to which he replied he didn't have one, and someone brought out their doggy, a little long-haired dachshund, and Jeph warned them with a smile, "you gotta be careful with their backs because it is so easy to hurt them..."

And that real feeling came back to me, because I can't count the times I've had to warn someone when picking up my dog to be careful with her back (she's half dachshund). And it's just like...I don't even know. It just made me smile.

And then I spent $105 for Bert's t-shirt that he wore during the performance and a used towel.

God I am such a loser.

dear celebrities,

Stop dying.

It's getting really fucking annoying.

Kthnxbi.

"I wanna stop and grow up again"

Watched a clip from the last episode of Yu Yu Hakusho. Kurama and Kuwabara were sitting in a train station, just talking, and Kurama makes this statement along the lines of, "You really seem to be enjoying your high school life..."

And it's just kind of like--really? It's that simple? After all the things Kuwabara's been through--learning to control his spirit energy, Maze Castle, the Dark Tournament, being a part of something so much bigger than himself to save the world...and in the end, he just becomes normal. And he's happy about it.

Like it's just that simple.

It's like the quirky, loud-mouthed, honor-bound, carrot-top who's meant so much to avid YYH fans suddenly decided to give it all up for stupid girls in tight clothes and bad makeup. The geeky thug who wore his heart on his sleeve suddenly decided he was too cool to be part of the Spirit Detective team.

It's kind of like a good childhood friend growing up into someone you barely recognize.

Or a favorite band breaking up and all of the members going into politics or accounting.

This upset me more than it should've.

Whatever.

juicy like a liquid

My mom cleaned my room.

She doesn't understand why that makes me so upset.

Nothings where it's supposed to be. Action figures and books in all the wrong places. My CDs.

My fucking CDs.

Had to shift through the garbage bag she left up here. Pencils and papers and pictures that I still wanted to keep are covered in grease and grim. My bookshelf is perpetually fucked, and she put all my stuffed animals in s bag.

It shouldn't be that big of a deal. I know it shouldn't.

But it is. And no one gets that.

I cried. I ate Starbursts and got over it. Gonna rearrange my room tomorrow. Get it back the way I want it.

This shouldn't have upset me so much. There's something wrong.

Times like these when I wish I had a therapist...

IN UR BLAWGZ, EATN UR UNRED WERDZ

In Pennsylvania. Have been for the past week. Will be for the next. Not as bad as it sounds.

Missing my room, though. And my...alone time.

Y'know. REAL alone time.

Friends too, I guess. I don't know. It's nice to get away for a while. Plus I can only take so much of Caitlyn and the mall. Liz and the Alex.

JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY FUCKING EPISODES OF DEGRASSI CAN THEY PACK INTO THE FUCKING DAY?

I watched Drake&Josh this morning (afternoon) and holyhell the homoerotic undertones. It's seriously ridiculous.

NO DARCY. NOTHING GOOD CAN COME FROM YOU POSTING THOSE RISQUE PHOTOS OF YOURSELF ON THE INTERNET. AND TRUSTING PETER? ARE YOU INSANE. DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT HE DID TO EMMA AND MANNY AND EVERY SINGLE GIRL HE'S PRETTY MUCH EVER COME IN CONTACT WITH?

GOD.

The best thing about staying up here is the television. It gets like seven different History channels. And DisneyXD which has X-Men: Evolution.

IT'S A NOSTALGIA THING, OKAY?

I kinda feel bad for weird Internet stalker guy. I mean, he really thinks him and Darcy have something. It's sad. I get the fact that these men are sick, and are probably just pretending in order to get what they really want and are using words like "love" and compliments to lure kids in. But maybe sometimes it's not just a lure. Maybe, in their own warped minds, it's real. Real emotions that because there's something off, psychologically speaking, turn into a sexual obsession. (?)

Whatever. I don't know. Sometimes I just feel bad for no reason.

I like the term empathetic.

In other news I REALLY REALLY LIKE LOLCATS.

BEST WEBSITE EVER.

suddenly it's '63 again and Hitchcock is livin' it up

There's currenty a swarm of birds perched on the telephone wires outside of my window, swooping back and forth.

Black birds, tiny brown ones, pigeions.

There's something in my neighbors backyard. Dead body, maybe?

No, wrong kind of birds.

It's gonna rain soon. Heavily, hopfeully. I'm looking forward to it.

Coveting a typewriter charm on the ebay. I kind of want it really badly. Hence the used of the term 'coveting'.

Thanks public school education!